SnOw BaLLs aNd ToMoRRows

Lately, the idea of being home alone has nearly driven me looney. Literally. Crazy {haha}right?

Silence had once been my joy, the first moments after everyone departed on their way, my sanctuary, my most sacred time of day.

Life has a way of snow balling you without granting processing time. There is purpose for it, our hearts have to grow and change. I want mine to. I want to be refined to my fullest capability.

As I have struggled to steady my ground while the "snow balls" have blasted, I've learned a few things;

Firstly, I have learned to tune into the voice of the spirit. If this lesson has been the sole purpose of my struggle, then I'm deeply grateful. I've been taking notes (literally) of the thoughts of which I've been imprisoned. I've listened carefully, and judged cautiously their source, sometimes seeking clarification in prayer.

Secondly, I work with an amazing woman in ward council. I met with her Sunday and among other things we discussed the uncertainty of the future. She told me that all we have to count on is tomorrow. Not next year, not ten years from now. As I've pondered that I've realized, one - how manageable that is, and two - somehow working towards mending things today and tomorrow somehow diminishes the pains of yesterday as well as the anxiety of the unknown. As I fix what is broken today, previous bands no longer bind me.

Third, I've gained a greater appreciation for family. I have so much gratitude for Roy, and for our happy little "world" we've created. I'm grateful that family is central to Heavenly Father's plan of happiness. Of course the adversary knows this. But, so do we.

Fourth, with each new struggle, comes an opportunity to draw near unto the Lord. To appreciate Him more. To feel His presence more. I realized my sanctuary, my sacred time, would be restored doing those things that bring me closer to Him. I read this morning Moroni 10:32, the plea to come unto Christ and be perfected in Him. What do I have to do? First come to Him, second deny myself of all ungodliness, and third love God with all my might mind and strength. Then His grace is sufficient. Then by His grace, my heart is changed.

I have forgotten who I am. But now I remember who I want to be and the steps necessary.

That is what I've learned. The end.